My cardiologist is a kind and attentive physician.  He is a man of dignity and order.  My office visit with him was to be routine.  I was sitting in the waiting room with every imaginable literary magazine at my disposal.  I had just finished an interesting article on the neuroendocrinology of the squid's brain when my name was called.  The attending nurse dragged me toward the hallway scales.  I took off my shoes and wedding ring and was weighed.  Didn't help.  Wouldn't have helped even if I had 10 Hope diamonds mounted atop my left hand--I had no chance of significantly reducing the poundage.

Once in the doctor's examination room, I had my blood pressure checked and was told to disrobe from the waist up and the doctor would be in soon.  I had on a white turtleneck blouse with a red flannel plaid jumper.  Great planning.  I would have to totally disrobe.  As I pulled off my white turtleneck with disgust, my dangling earring flew from my ear and stuck in one of the little holes in the ceiling tile above my head.  So...that's why they are there; like playing horseshoes, only done vertically and with earrings.  Oh great!

I put on the chest drape, wrapped the sheet, sized for an infant's crib, around my waist and stood in the middle of the room staring at the ceiling.  I pulled the doctor's chair-on-wheels against the examination table.  I stood (sort of) in the rolling chair and then climbed onto the exam table.  A picture of grace and beauty this was not.  I stood on the exam table and still couldn't reach my stuck earring.  I, not so gracefully or aesthetically pleasing to the eye, got back down, grabbed one of my shoes and repeated the procedure.

This time, as I was standing on the examination table with a sheet draped almost around my bottom half and my top half jiggling under the skimpy bib, the physician walked into the room.  He just stood there.  He continued just standing there.  Finally, he said "Jeannie, are ready to see me now?" Did he learn such composure in medical school training?

Funny question.  He had a perfect view of just about everything I had.  He could even see parts that I couldn't, hadn't, and never wanted to see! Since I was already there, I swung the shoe a couple more times and finally hit the tip of the earring.  It fell to the exam table and bounced onto the floor.  It was at this time that I told the doctor that he could have a seat and I'd be right with him.  I flopped down onto the examination table and rolled the chair over to his desk.  He picked up my earring, handed it to me and took the shoe held in my hand.  Shortly after that visit, Dr. A. stopped seeing patients and moved away!  Far, far away.
 

Jeannie Killian
Secretary of Dept. of Anatomy